Conclusion after 6 months

An hour ago I just finished watching Tedx talk, Why 30 is not the new 20 | Meg Jay, somehow I start thinking what is my life when I was 20s? Did I wasted my 20s? And what had I did when I was 20s? To be honest, beside the 3 years dating my ex, that I have to admit that we are not suitable, we have different point of view, I had tried very hard to change myself and tried to blend with his life, I start thinking is this the life I wanted to live for the rest of my life? Am I satisfied with current situation, I even started to imagine my life when I was 50 year old. I can’t make it and I decided to leave, get out of my comfort zone, and find another path.

After 6 months of preparation, our company website, is finally launched. It’s a hard process, from preparation, building website and create content. During December I’ve been assigned to do content, in a month I gathered about 40 articles, with different writer from around the world, by using my broken English to communicate with people from around the world. It’s really a great experience for me.

I’ve been working as a scriptwriter for five years; since two years ago I started my internship in a digital marketing company; during that time, I have no clue what is that about, but two years later, I can said I understand what is the algorithm means, although I’m not an expert yet, but will keep moving forward. I’m planning to take a digital marketing course, to brush up my skill to gain more knowledge.

If I have never come to Taiwan, most likely I still stuck in my previous life, dreaming about life, keep living in “if” life; “if I make this decision, most likely… “. Jayson told me this decision is hard, but its worth it! This is a big encouragement for me and I’m glad that I did it, the journey is tough; learn to speak, learn to adapt, learn to accept and observe others culture, learn to be socialise, it’s all a great learning process and it’s shape my personalities and become who I am. I think I like myself more than ever, in the future I can see it’s hard or even harder, but I believe God is always with me and always accompany me all this journey, to prepare myself, I don’t know what God want me to be, but for sure is to become a better me.


Movie day

In the first day of this Chinese New Year holiday, I make up my mind to watch La La Land.  Mainly because it’s been almost a month my Facebook feed is full of review about this movie, secondly because my friend Jun had watched it and told me that I will love this movie for sure, Jazz music yet classic!! I booked the ticket immediately on my first day of holiday!

I thought Taipei will not be crowded as we been told that most of the people will be travelling and most of the shop will be close; but that’s false and yes most of the shop is close but not the big avenue and it is crowded as usual. I got the chance to purchase some clothes right before the movie start, guess what a long queue for ladies fitting room, experience the crazy year end sales in Taipei!!

This movie remind me of a lot of people, or dreamer. Some people just fall in the dream, some keep on moving forward, waiting for the chance to be the spark. Some maybe they are not going to be that person, but some they do.

Especially in the past 5 years I worked as a scriptwriter cum assistance director in film industry, met many people, good directors, producers, front stage and back stage; I do enjoy my work, not only enjoy it but it is also my passion. When I heard young people complaining about their first job or shitty payment, I will told them I been through the worst ever where I still keep on moving forward, the only reason is passion. I love meeting people, listen to many inspiring story, be curious, and to be me. Do I ever regret in life? Maybe thats too young to say but I would say I wish to be more brave, to be myself when I was even younger, dare to dream and accomplish what I wish to be when I was younger. Well, I am who I am.

There is no “If” in life.

Simple Life

I always try to be tough in front of everyone where I started to have memory from childhood. I can’t be weak or else I’ll get bully from my brother, or I will get scold from mom. I always doubted why my parents bring me here since they hate me so much? Why I born as a daughter?

I always wonder to leave home or suicide when I was a kid, thats happened to me continuously until I grown up, always from home.

I can make my own decision. This is my Life.

Right now I stay abroad, where my dream come true where finally I can away from home, some people here saying that I’m a positive person, but in my heart I’m doubting? Am I real positive? I’m really Fragile, there is some nights I can’t even sleep, keep crying until the next morning. I remember one of my teacher said,

a person who are not willing to wake up in the morning is because they are not ready to have a new day.

Yes, I do admit that, I just pretending, keep pretending to stand strong and firm. I told my mom don’t give me stress, I just can’t hold those stress and bullshit from family anymore. I just want to live in a simple life, live happily. Just as simple as that.

Two years of conclusion

It’s officially two years i’m staying abroad, in a foreign country, Taiwan.

I still remember the moment I received an offer from TNUA, I was really excited, but pretty calm because I knew that I don’t have enough money if I don’t get a scholarship. One day at night, I checked through ICDF website, I got it!! I got a scholarship to come to Taiwan, the scholarship included flights, accommodation, living expanses, insurances and etc; stuffs that gonna covered myself here in Taiwan. I’m really excited, I told my closest friend at first, before I told my mom. Somehow, I do feel bad I usually don’t share my feeling to my parents, because I don’t want them worried about me. I choose to be calm to them. Dad is really proud of my accomplishment.

I remember before I came, I was really anxious, leaving the comfort zone, quit my job; most of the people don’t understand why I took this decision where I’m not young and in this age, I should focus more on my career, that’s the advices from most people, rebuild the career after graduate, blablabla, not a wise decision, those are the conclusion from most people I know. The only person who support my decision is my dad, Jun Hui, and Jayson; I knew mom and Alan saying congratulation to me but in the deep of their heart they don’t want me to leave the country. I remember Jayson told me that if this is something that I’m going to regret in the future, then just do it. So I took this decision here.

Day before I leave my country, 30-31 August, Malaysia independent day, and I in charge of Merdeka concert for Klpac String Ensemble. a two days performance, 400 seats, and the ticket got sold out in just two weeks. The saddest of this performance is our conductor Dr. Takahisa Ota quit, and this is his last performance. He is a wise person, passionate; he knew I’m not good in performing but a good leader, but I do try hard to manage well for this performance. I remember I cried, even a lot of players cried for the last song, “This is going to be the last song!” he whispered in front of us before the show end. He stand at the backstage, shake his hand to all of us when we go back to the backstage. Players like us who been trained by him for long time, we really hope he can keep continue leading us, but things just not gonna happened.

September 1, have a short chat with friends, half day of packing, prepare to leave.

September 2, night, Reached TNUA around 10pm. Until right now, two years. I back to my country twice, during Chinese New Year. Early of this year, I broke up with Alan, my boyfriend, I choose to be honest to myself, I like him but I’m not in love with him. I don’t know in the future how my life is, where should I go, I think all I can do is have faith.

Sometimes I just think I need to be patient, have faith with God, I’m just not patient to wait for the answer, I just wanted to see the something right now, I’m too anxious about the situation right now here, that I don’t see something further.

God, You know i’m weak, I need guidance, you know I’m not good in praying, i’m not perfect, God almighty, please lead me to your way, the way you prepare for me, you know I’m anxious, I’m too afraid, I’ll just grab any first opportunity that come to my life, you know maybe these is just challenge or temptation, guide me and lead me to the bright side, to your way, with your guidance. In Jesus name. Amen.

Finally Settle down at the current moment

Daphne has a job~ Daphne has a job~ Recently, this is the phrases my friend sing it to me, to celebrate I got a new job. Yes, I started a new career, compare from the previous job as a scriptwriter and assistant director, this is a new life for me.. It’s not that I don’t like my previous work, I still love it, but I wanted to learn others stuffs, I don’t know what I’m gonna be in the future, but so far still enjoying what I’m doing..

Recently, I notice I do complain too much. Kind of.. and again, I start doubted is this a career that God leading me? I really don’t know. I feel anxious after two weeks working, is not because I can’t handle it, it’s done pretty well so far, in this project run well, it’s gonna give a credit in my future thats for sure.

Now, I started to think, where should I stand for? How can do more for helps? My friend who  is an environmental economist, he does care about environment and all those stuffs, but in real life, does he leave like those environmentalist? I doubted.. As he said no matter what, the real situation of this earth can’t be change.

So what I wanna be in the future? I doubted.