Try to motivate myself

It’s quite tiring recently. I feel I have a pretty tough personality standing among all Asian, but i have a pretty week personality among foreigner. It’s quite exhausted and need to find balance in between.

I remember a professor once said in the class, “you will be suffer no matter how, until once you become somebody” I don’t really understand what this means during the time, when time goes by. I think I know it.

I believe the best is yet to come.

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Moana

 

It’s finally I got the time to watch Moana. It’s for sure one of my favourite movie of all!! It’s portrait a Polynesian woman can trying to make changes, the faith and hope from herself and her villagers.

This remind me when I was working as a scriptwriter for documentary, I went to Borneo to discover different tribe culture to do a series of Traditional wedding documentary. It was tough for a tight budget and been given a really tight schedule. I love documentary as I love culture, so much to learn from the people, it’s inspiring.

Our tribe is different from others culture, we don’t educate woman to be weak, we want them to be strong, same as man. A woman can be as strong as a man but in different aspect!

Moana remind me of this phrase from one of the subject that I interview with.

The tattoo, the costume, the life of people living in an island, each character figure, is so Polynesian, and of course the music; the production focus on small little details of all the character, that makes this movie unique.

 

Guiness

I think until right now where I almost 30, I think I barely see my dad drink water, but Guinness.

I’m really curious and I tasted ONE single sip I hate it so much! I don’t understand why this had so much attractive for dad?

Since I started my career, social life become part of my job, to gain some connection, especially I work as a freelancer, passing through different people, listen to lame jokes, to be part of this “community”, drinking had become a life; one of my previous employee introduce me draft Guinness.

“Trust me! You will like it, I never introduce you something bad. ~ Tan”

My first cold draught beer happened at 12noon, and I love it! I never ever thought about Guinness can be this tasty, thick and creamy! Many elderly was saying Guinness is good for health, especially for woman. I tried some crazy stuffs like adding 1:1 ratio of Guinness (bottle) and coconut wine Tuba, I saw some people added raw egg with Guinness etc.

When I was in my country, I know where I can get draught beer, Guinness; but staying abroad alone as a young woman I always doubt to let myself drunk and get in danger. I try to hold my desire to drink to have fun, just because I want to be clear minded all the time.

Today I just can’t hold this feeling and I have it again! Draught Guinness it make my day! Hurray!!

Conclusion after 6 months

An hour ago I just finished watching Tedx talk, Why 30 is not the new 20 | Meg Jay, somehow I start thinking what is my life when I was 20s? Did I wasted my 20s? And what had I did when I was 20s? To be honest, beside the 3 years dating my ex, that I have to admit that we are not suitable, we have different point of view, I had tried very hard to change myself and tried to blend with his life, I start thinking is this the life I wanted to live for the rest of my life? Am I satisfied with current situation, I even started to imagine my life when I was 50 year old. I can’t make it and I decided to leave, get out of my comfort zone, and find another path.


After 6 months of preparation, our company website, jetli.com is finally launched. It’s a hard process, from preparation, building website and create content. During December I’ve been assigned to do content, in a month I gathered about 40 articles, with different writer from around the world, by using my broken English to communicate with people from around the world. It’s really a great experience for me.

I’ve been working as a scriptwriter for five years; since two years ago I started my internship in a digital marketing company; during that time, I have no clue what is that about, but two years later, I can said I understand what is the algorithm means, although I’m not an expert yet, but will keep moving forward. I’m planning to take a digital marketing course, to brush up my skill to gain more knowledge.

If I have never come to Taiwan, most likely I still stuck in my previous life, dreaming about life, keep living in “if” life; “if I make this decision, most likely… “. Jayson told me this decision is hard, but its worth it! This is a big encouragement for me and I’m glad that I did it, the journey is tough; learn to speak, learn to adapt, learn to accept and observe others culture, learn to be socialise, it’s all a great learning process and it’s shape my personalities and become who I am. I think I like myself more than ever, in the future I can see it’s hard or even harder, but I believe God is always with me and always accompany me all this journey, to prepare myself, I don’t know what God want me to be, but for sure is to become a better me.

2017

It’s after a month of 2017.

What i’m going to accomplish in this 2017?

What is my goal in 2017?

Where am I going after 2017?

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What I know is God in good!! He is!! He is always with me, even though I barely pray in this past 2 year, barely go to church! But I know he is always with me! He is waiting for me to turn to him, follow his path with no doubt.

It was really grateful for what I had accomplish in the past year, 2016 was chaotic. It’s really hard, decision keep changing, too many uncertainty.

Going into 2017! I wish to be more close to God, keep listening to him in silent, feel him in me.

In Jesus name, Amen

Movie day

In the first day of this Chinese New Year holiday, I make up my mind to watch La La Land.  Mainly because it’s been almost a month my Facebook feed is full of review about this movie, secondly because my friend Jun had watched it and told me that I will love this movie for sure, Jazz music yet classic!! I booked the ticket immediately on my first day of holiday!

I thought Taipei will not be crowded as we been told that most of the people will be travelling and most of the shop will be close; but that’s false and yes most of the shop is close but not the big avenue and it is crowded as usual. I got the chance to purchase some clothes right before the movie start, guess what a long queue for ladies fitting room, experience the crazy year end sales in Taipei!!


This movie remind me of a lot of people, or dreamer. Some people just fall in the dream, some keep on moving forward, waiting for the chance to be the spark. Some maybe they are not going to be that person, but some they do.

Especially in the past 5 years I worked as a scriptwriter cum assistance director in film industry, met many people, good directors, producers, front stage and back stage; I do enjoy my work, not only enjoy it but it is also my passion. When I heard young people complaining about their first job or shitty payment, I will told them I been through the worst ever where I still keep on moving forward, the only reason is passion. I love meeting people, listen to many inspiring story, be curious, and to be me. Do I ever regret in life? Maybe thats too young to say but I would say I wish to be more brave, to be myself when I was even younger, dare to dream and accomplish what I wish to be when I was younger. Well, I am who I am.

There is no “If” in life.

Family Trip

Two years of study is just like a blink of an eye, graduated as a master student, honesty I don’t think I learn much in the program but I do learn a lot in daily life, to thought me not to be a racist person, think rational, be tolerance, be more grateful, most importantly I learned not to said yes to everyone which that is my weakness all the time.

Also, I need to say God is awesome! He provide me everything that I need, learn to rely on him more, and keep praying.. I have to admit that sometimes I forgot, or I do it just like a homework that I don’t really like it.. The journey in a foreign country is not easy especially I have to deal everything by myself, even though I don’t have language problem but still culture different is a big issues for me here, learn to let go and be chill is the hardest homework for me.

My families were here during my graduation ceremony, I guess they were really exhausted as the picture below, but I do appreciated that they can come over here to visit me after two years. My mom was really worried about me although I keep mentioning Taiwan is one of the Most Safest Country in the world; I have to shoutout loud as it is really safe, a peaceful country!!!

To my families, I do love you a lot, I’m not good in expressing my feeling, but I really love you guys so much. Thanks God who lead me here, I will be keep walking on your path, keep learning and walk in Jesus’s path

Recall Day in Taiwan

It’s been a lot of time I haven’t start writing. I don’t know why since I came to Taiwan, I don’t have the inspiration to write, some people said it’s too comfortable.. maybe.. or maybe not. I’m just too anxious all the time.

Since I moved to Taiwan, I got a bad experience with my roommates, but first I have to clarify that I’m a good roommate and I’m a tolerance person, as for many Asian, our weakness is just hard to say NO to everyone no matter what situation. This is a first lesson that I learnt or is what God want me to overcome my weaknesses, tolerance doesn’t mean to be Yes all the time. Don’t get be wrong, I do have a good time sometimes, and a really nice roommate before when I stay in the dorm. She is a charming, elegant  and independent woman, we share and try to support each other when we have to.

After moved out from the dorm, even though my life had improved, but I pretty much live in poverty, I can’t work under the scholarship, keep writing my thesis while looking for a job. I remember June is my hard time, before that, I try to save as much money that I can when my parents were here to participant my graduation ceremony, half of the scholarship is the rental, another half is for transportation and food.

Few of months later, I got recruited such a good experience for me. After pass thru all this anxiety, even tho right now is not fully stable yet, when I look backwards if this path without God, I dont think I can be perseverance and keep going forward.

God is really great, he had changed my life 180 after I believe in Jesus

Simple Life

I always try to be tough in front of everyone where I started to have memory from childhood. I can’t be weak or else I’ll get bully from my brother, or I will get scold from mom. I always doubted why my parents bring me here since they hate me so much? Why I born as a daughter?

I always wonder to leave home or suicide when I was a kid, thats happened to me continuously until I grown up, always from home.

I can make my own decision. This is my Life.

Right now I stay abroad, where my dream come true where finally I can away from home, some people here saying that I’m a positive person, but in my heart I’m doubting? Am I real positive? I’m really Fragile, there is some nights I can’t even sleep, keep crying until the next morning. I remember one of my teacher said,

a person who are not willing to wake up in the morning is because they are not ready to have a new day.

Yes, I do admit that, I just pretending, keep pretending to stand strong and firm. I told my mom don’t give me stress, I just can’t hold those stress and bullshit from family anymore. I just want to live in a simple life, live happily. Just as simple as that.

Two years of conclusion

It’s officially two years i’m staying abroad, in a foreign country, Taiwan.

I still remember the moment I received an offer from TNUA, I was really excited, but pretty calm because I knew that I don’t have enough money if I don’t get a scholarship. One day at night, I checked through ICDF website, I got it!! I got a scholarship to come to Taiwan, the scholarship included flights, accommodation, living expanses, insurances and etc; stuffs that gonna covered myself here in Taiwan. I’m really excited, I told my closest friend at first, before I told my mom. Somehow, I do feel bad I usually don’t share my feeling to my parents, because I don’t want them worried about me. I choose to be calm to them. Dad is really proud of my accomplishment.

I remember before I came, I was really anxious, leaving the comfort zone, quit my job; most of the people don’t understand why I took this decision where I’m not young and in this age, I should focus more on my career, that’s the advices from most people, rebuild the career after graduate, blablabla, not a wise decision, those are the conclusion from most people I know. The only person who support my decision is my dad, Jun Hui, and Jayson; I knew mom and Alan saying congratulation to me but in the deep of their heart they don’t want me to leave the country. I remember Jayson told me that if this is something that I’m going to regret in the future, then just do it. So I took this decision here.

Day before I leave my country, 30-31 August, Malaysia independent day, and I in charge of Merdeka concert for Klpac String Ensemble. a two days performance, 400 seats, and the ticket got sold out in just two weeks. The saddest of this performance is our conductor Dr. Takahisa Ota quit, and this is his last performance. He is a wise person, passionate; he knew I’m not good in performing but a good leader, but I do try hard to manage well for this performance. I remember I cried, even a lot of players cried for the last song, “This is going to be the last song!” he whispered in front of us before the show end. He stand at the backstage, shake his hand to all of us when we go back to the backstage. Players like us who been trained by him for long time, we really hope he can keep continue leading us, but things just not gonna happened.

September 1, have a short chat with friends, half day of packing, prepare to leave.

September 2, night, Reached TNUA around 10pm. Until right now, two years. I back to my country twice, during Chinese New Year. Early of this year, I broke up with Alan, my boyfriend, I choose to be honest to myself, I like him but I’m not in love with him. I don’t know in the future how my life is, where should I go, I think all I can do is have faith.

Sometimes I just think I need to be patient, have faith with God, I’m just not patient to wait for the answer, I just wanted to see the something right now, I’m too anxious about the situation right now here, that I don’t see something further.

God, You know i’m weak, I need guidance, you know I’m not good in praying, i’m not perfect, God almighty, please lead me to your way, the way you prepare for me, you know I’m anxious, I’m too afraid, I’ll just grab any first opportunity that come to my life, you know maybe these is just challenge or temptation, guide me and lead me to the bright side, to your way, with your guidance. In Jesus name. Amen.