It’s officially two years i’m staying abroad, in a foreign country, Taiwan.
I still remember the moment I received an offer from TNUA, I was really excited, but pretty calm because I knew that I don’t have enough money if I don’t get a scholarship. One day at night, I checked through ICDF website, I got it!! I got a scholarship to come to Taiwan, the scholarship included flights, accommodation, living expanses, insurances and etc; stuffs that gonna covered myself here in Taiwan. I’m really excited, I told my closest friend at first, before I told my mom. Somehow, I do feel bad I usually don’t share my feeling to my parents, because I don’t want them worried about me. I choose to be calm to them. Dad is really proud of my accomplishment.
I remember before I came, I was really anxious, leaving the comfort zone, quit my job; most of the people don’t understand why I took this decision where I’m not young and in this age, I should focus more on my career, that’s the advices from most people, rebuild the career after graduate, blablabla, not a wise decision, those are the conclusion from most people I know. The only person who support my decision is my dad, Jun Hui, and Jayson; I knew mom and Alan saying congratulation to me but in the deep of their heart they don’t want me to leave the country. I remember Jayson told me that if this is something that I’m going to regret in the future, then just do it. So I took this decision here.
Day before I leave my country, 30-31 August, Malaysia independent day, and I in charge of Merdeka concert for Klpac String Ensemble. a two days performance, 400 seats, and the ticket got sold out in just two weeks. The saddest of this performance is our conductor Dr. Takahisa Ota quit, and this is his last performance. He is a wise person, passionate; he knew I’m not good in performing but a good leader, but I do try hard to manage well for this performance. I remember I cried, even a lot of players cried for the last song, “This is going to be the last song!” he whispered in front of us before the show end. He stand at the backstage, shake his hand to all of us when we go back to the backstage. Players like us who been trained by him for long time, we really hope he can keep continue leading us, but things just not gonna happened.
September 1, have a short chat with friends, half day of packing, prepare to leave.
September 2, night, Reached TNUA around 10pm. Until right now, two years. I back to my country twice, during Chinese New Year. Early of this year, I broke up with Alan, my boyfriend, I choose to be honest to myself, I like him but I’m not in love with him. I don’t know in the future how my life is, where should I go, I think all I can do is have faith.
Sometimes I just think I need to be patient, have faith with God, I’m just not patient to wait for the answer, I just wanted to see the something right now, I’m too anxious about the situation right now here, that I don’t see something further.
God, You know i’m weak, I need guidance, you know I’m not good in praying, i’m not perfect, God almighty, please lead me to your way, the way you prepare for me, you know I’m anxious, I’m too afraid, I’ll just grab any first opportunity that come to my life, you know maybe these is just challenge or temptation, guide me and lead me to the bright side, to your way, with your guidance. In Jesus name. Amen.