The anxiety never goes as long as there is one day I haven’t get confirm for working permit. I have a very bad habit, where I will keep biting my finer nail when I’m too anxious.. I remember I have this habit when I was a kid, probably I was anxious too. I stop this habit when I start wearing braces; it’s been about more than 15 years after I start biting my nail again.
25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:25-34 NIV)
Because of my anxiety, during May I just agreed on the first opportunity that came; by right it wasn’t a great opportunity, I regret after three days of working. I regret because it’s not a good offer, it wasn’t the best opportunity, I decided to resign after two weeks and I have to write an SOP for the company and train the new comer. Guess what, a shitty payment and been assign to create a procedure for the company to work; it’s really unfair for me and I do feel cheated, an intern payment and get to cut off the taxation for unknown reason.
When my housemate ask about my job, I really don’t know how to answer where I guess they will feel tired listening about my complains. Personally I don’t like to complain where I always monitor myself before any judgement, but the racism issue in the company.. I can feel it.. I don’t like it.. I guess that the main issue I quit the job.
Before that, I thought I’ll start working on July, a new job, but until now is none. When people ask “how’s your new job?” “have you start your job?” I feel anxious.. Really anxious, the anxiety just never stop where it’s affect my daily life.. Every day life.. Somehow I don’t like to talk about it, but people around me keep asking, even my mom.. I start worried about next month, the plan…
I know I have to keep praying, have faith.. Sometimes praying had become a daily habit, a homework and I hate myself of being in that day, it’s not suppose to be..